Roog, roog-roog! Roog roog-roog, roog roog Roog roog, roog! Roog roog, roog! Roog, roog roog! Roooooog! Roog roog roog roog roog Roog roog, roog Roog roog roog roog rooog, rooog! Roog roog roog Roog, roog-roog Roog, roog roog! Roooooog! Roog roog roog roog roog Roog roog, roog! Roog roog roog roog rooog, rooo-ooog! Roog roog roog Roog! Roog-roog! Roog, roog roog! Roooooog!

Philip, it's me. I'm long distance - pick up the Phone. Philip! Now I just wasted three dollars to talk to a machine! (Ὰ la Star Trek: TOS title sequence) These are the voyages of Philip Thompson: the never ending story continuing in the desert of Albuquerque, New Mexico. (Ὰ la Dana Carvey's 'Grumpy Old Man' character) In my day we didn't have contraptions to answer the phone for you! We had to do it ourselves, and we hated every dern minute of it! Nowadays everybody's getting lazy, having a good time...! (With thick southern drawl) What the hell's going on? You people at home or are you playing a joke on me? God damn, pick up the phone. Well hell - you ain't home I see. So give me a call when you get back. I'm going out, and be back in about twenty-five, thirty minutes. Later! Pretty good, Phil. You almost got me. Heh heh. (All excerpts from incoming answering machine messages left by Steve Eugene Miller, 1966 - 2015)

[Dusty] Not bad, not bad. [Phil] What the hell you just do? [Dusty] What the *hell* did I just do? [Phil] You picked up that one and that one. [Dusty] No, I didn't pick up that one and that one. I should have-- [Phil] You picked up one from the top of here. [Dusty] Did I? [Phil] Yeah! [Dusty] Did I draw from the deck yet? [Phil] Nope. [Both] (Monster noises) [Phil] Oh Well. [Dusty] I Don't know. [Phil] I knew there was a time back then that people were--there were people? But think, like, there was apes and stuff. And I said, 'Nope! I haven't eluded from apes.' Fuck that... I mean, *involved* from apes... [Dusty] What'd you say, 'eluded'? [Phil] Shut up, man. I can say what I want. [Phil] Hey, anybody. Anybody help me? [Dusty] You guys wanna get some brewskis? [Phil] I don't know, well... [Dusty] Ooh, you done fucked up now, buddy. You done fucked up! [Phil] Whooo! Fifteen points! [Dusty] Man... fuck! That'll work. [Phil] Fuck! I needed that card, too. [Dusty] Goddamn. [Phil] All right. Just do an exagg. [Both, à la poorly edited Kung Fu films] Combatant 1 - You stop us! We're on the way! Combatant 2 - Ah, Chao-Ling. I know you! Combatant 1 - Just like I told you! Your are scum! You will die! Combatant 2 - I can't believe you! Combatant 1 - Right here, in Los Angeles! Combatant 2 - But no! Chao Ling! Your killed my father! You will die! Combatant 1 - Ha ha ha ho ho ho . . . [Phil] It's Trader Bill's Popcorn Stand! [Dusty] COME ON DOWN TO TRADER BILL'S POPCORN STAND!! MONDAY AND TUESDAY!! COME ON DOWN TO NINTH AVENUE!! WE'LL BE HERE, GIVING FREE HOT DOGS AND PEPSIS OUT TO EVERY THOUSANDTH CUSTOMER!! COME ON - WE GOT MOTHBALLS HERE!! WE GOT EVERYTHING!! WE GOT TABLES AND TABLECLOTHS!! AND, YOU NAME IT - AND WE GOT IT!! COME ON DOOOWWNN!! [Phil] Hello! I am NOT home right now. So leave a FUCKIN MESSAGE, or I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS. [Dusty] Uhh, welll... I just wan-wanted - you to .. call m..my house. My n-number is ah uh ... [Phil] Now at Eckerd Drug! Scotch Brand Tape! Magic Tape! Dispenses easily, doesn't yellow! (All dialog by Dusty Wellborn and Philip Thompson, one very stoned evening in mid-1986)